Dark had fallen on a very rainy and windy winter night. Ding, ding, ding, dinggggggggggg! The Oasis bell sounded over and over and over again. I was alone. Sometimes I feel a bit freaky about answering the doorbell when no one else is around and especially if it's dark. I hate darkness. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and pray that God would bring the daylight quickly. I leave the curtains open because streetlight, moonlight - any light is welcome to me.
The ringing stopped but 15 or 20 minutes later as I was leaving to head home it started again. I was a bit apprehensive as I opened the door to leave and found a thin, young shivering Afghan in a kind of skimpy coat. I could not communicate with him, but I mentioned the camp a few times and he said, "no camp". I wondered if he was one of the two who had stayed over at the Oasis last Thursday night. They had gotten kicked out of the camp for a week.
I could have called an Afghan or Iranian to translate for me. I could have taken him in and made him tea and bought him a kebab. I could have called someone on the team and asked for prayer. But what did I do? I said that I was sorry and that we were closed. And turned and I left him there alone and shivering.
I felt so bad. So inhuman. How could I do this to someone? I got home and turned around and went right back. I walked the streets around the Oasis. I prayed to God that I would find him, but I didn't. Back at the Oasis I turned the lights on hoping he would be around and see them and ring the doorbell again. But he didn't, so I left. I went back to my warm apartment and my hot bowl of soup cursing myself for my hard heart and selfishness, begging God to forgive me and praying that the man would find a person with more compassion than me and that I did not wreck this man's view of Christians and Jesus by turning my back to him.
I find it so hard to accept that Jesus puts up with stuff like this from me. But I know he does. He really has forgiven me, and tomorrow really is a new day.
The ringing stopped but 15 or 20 minutes later as I was leaving to head home it started again. I was a bit apprehensive as I opened the door to leave and found a thin, young shivering Afghan in a kind of skimpy coat. I could not communicate with him, but I mentioned the camp a few times and he said, "no camp". I wondered if he was one of the two who had stayed over at the Oasis last Thursday night. They had gotten kicked out of the camp for a week.
I could have called an Afghan or Iranian to translate for me. I could have taken him in and made him tea and bought him a kebab. I could have called someone on the team and asked for prayer. But what did I do? I said that I was sorry and that we were closed. And turned and I left him there alone and shivering.
I felt so bad. So inhuman. How could I do this to someone? I got home and turned around and went right back. I walked the streets around the Oasis. I prayed to God that I would find him, but I didn't. Back at the Oasis I turned the lights on hoping he would be around and see them and ring the doorbell again. But he didn't, so I left. I went back to my warm apartment and my hot bowl of soup cursing myself for my hard heart and selfishness, begging God to forgive me and praying that the man would find a person with more compassion than me and that I did not wreck this man's view of Christians and Jesus by turning my back to him.
I find it so hard to accept that Jesus puts up with stuff like this from me. But I know he does. He really has forgiven me, and tomorrow really is a new day.
Carol
2 comments:
Your actions are very understandable; there is always a line to draw. Boundaries like opening/closing times, how many bags of groceries, cups of coffee or pairs of shoes to pass out..they're never enough. Being alone and of opposite gender makes your decision even more understandable. Perhaps he had been kicked out for noncompliance, or maybe, through no fault of his own he was homeless and shivering. The fact is that the doors of the Oasis opened the next day, let's pray that he is able to return. You are a servant of our Lord and you made the best decision at the time.
You made the right call. A woman alone doesn't need to invite an unknown man into her place at night. Don't let misplaced spirituality override common sense. "...Be wise a serpents".
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